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closing in.

Sometimes I feel like things are moving just too fast and closing in around me. An analogy I used earlier today is that it just feels like some people are “on the ball” and on track, and my “ball” is just rolling around aimlessly with little knowledge of where the track is. I’ve been working on getting advice from various sources and trying hard to focus on my future plans, but it’s still so blurry right now.

I feel like I’ve ย been failing in many ways lately, though I am constantly told I’m doing fine. In some ways, I even feel like I’m letting people down sometimes. Today, however, I am fortunate to say that I have been successful in many ways, including maintaining a relationship for a year now. For me, that’s a big deal because, it is my first and only relationship and it has been wonderful and fortunately without arguments. ๐Ÿ™‚ Can you imagine?

This blog entry is taking a turn to aimless (though it’s definitely expected of me at this point). I’m kind of just throwing thoughts onto paper, in a sense. I feel that it’s necessary, even if no one ever reads this, so that I can clear my head a little bit and focus some of my thoughts before it gets really late.

So, the title of this entry is ‘closing in’ because I feel that so many important things in my life are closing in more and more. I am currently figuring out all of the technicalities in regards to documents involved for graduate schools and job applications. It’s quite scary. The thought of moving into a different school, or a different schooling future along with an actual job… it’s very overwhelming to say the least.

I also find time constantly escaping me, and if not literally, a desire to sleep becoming stronger and resulting in a slow productivity rate. It’s rather frustrating, to say the least.

I think I’m going to conclude this random thought process by bringing in one last random thought: Does anyone else ever just have those moments of strong realization? Moments where you think, “Whoa, I did that?” and find it almost impossible to believe that what you recently did actually happened. Maybe this isn’t a clear question, but interpret it as you will.

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