Posted in Undoubtedly

A recommitment for my sanity

I wanted to write a blog post, but it had been a while since I had written one. I could go on through excuses of “being too busy” or “life took over,” etc. etc., but really, it all boils down into a lack of motivation. But hey, it’s summer, and I have more free time.

I wanted to write a blog post, so I got onto this blog and quickly stopped yet again. The layout was all wrong. 2013 me would be completely OK with this, but it’s almost the middle of 2014, so things should change to reflect my growth or something right? I’m not the same person I was last summer. After spending way too long previewing and going through the disappointment of the free layout selections on WordPress, I have settled on this layout that still doesn’t make me completely content. The perk of this layout is that it is simple and is mobile friendly, so it’ll do for now.

I wanted to write a blog post, but it took days of mentally thinking through ideas, clicking through layouts, and debating just deleting my blog entirely and giving up. But no, I would regret that choice immediately. When I want something, I will keep trying until I get it. So here I am, recommitting to healthy blogging.

When I am on breaks, I spend a lot of time thinking about my life. Reflecting on the past year. Thinking about the future — the future that frightens me as much as it excites me. (That’s normal right?)

I also get very nostalgic. With the influx of “throwback Thursdays,” “flashback Fridays,” and apps like TimeHop, it’s easy to spend a lot of time thinking about one’s past, but really, one shouldn’t dwell on that past too much. Sure, it’s nice to have all of these memories, but thinking too much about how one could have done something different takes away from what one can do now.

The present is fleeting. If I wanted to dwell, I would say that I hate the days I’ve wasted sitting around moping about not having something to do, but in reality, I craved this time off for a long time. Now I have it, but I’m failing to make the most of it and truly enjoy it.

In the end, I just wanted to write. I’ve wanted to write for days, weeks, months, but every time I began to draft something. I focused too hard on crafting a clever message, when in reality, I just wanted to get my thoughts down.

When I originally created this blog in May 2010 (yes, the anniversary was about three days ago), the primary purpose was for this blog to serve as a space I could release some creativity, but more importantly, a space I could get my thoughts out so I wouldn’t feel like I was going crazy just thinking through “what ifs” and struggling internally with some of these thoughts.

Today, I am writing a blog post as a way to reset some of these original purposes, because in the end, I created a blog, because I want to write.

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